Monday, March 21, 2011

The seven phases of internet dating

Pt, my friend who is currently living in Geelong, had her first internet date heartbreak. The guy was italian. Cute. Keen (for a while). But went down the path of so many internet dating relationships. Pt's story followed an all-too-familiar pattern...

Phase 1. The chase.
There seems to be some chemistry. The guy is not a psycho. He has a great job. He can hold a great conversation and is a fantastic kisser. He is keen to organise another date even before the current one ends. There is constant dialogue (email, sms, phone contact).

Phase 2. The bedroom.
The great date proceeds into the bedroom. Nothing sleezy ("We made love all night. It was sooo beautiful").

Phase 3. The cold shoulder/The excuse.
He no longer texts, sms, or calls as often. He no longer invites you to stay over. He makes up excuses ("I had a party on Saturday"). It's pretty much over.

Phase 4. The self reflection
This is the saddest phase. Maybe he misunderstood or took offence to my last text/email/telephone call? Or...maybe he got hit by a bus or fell down a cliff?

Phase 5. The emotion.
This is the phase where one starts to alternate between tears and anger ("I cried all week"). One might even have fantasy conversations ("I thought about all the things I would say to him to let him know that he was a bastard").

Phase 6. Letting it all go.
"I re-instated my profile on RSVP."

In Pt's case, I told her that her mistake was progressing to phase 2 too quickly. But she couldn't help herself ("I wanted to touch him all the time") and it had been seven months since she last had intimate relations. Poor Pt.


Victor said...

I was wondering how long each phase lasted.

There are probably gay internet dates where Phases 1, 2 and 3 are all over in 48 hours!

Evol Kween said...

Or less!

Andrew said...

Sounds like gay life up until 4. Then a gay man just goes out again.

Ann O'Dyne said...

Love your comments guys.
It's easy to slam that sequence as 'Internet Dating', when the truth is that it is pretty much All Dating.
Relationships are all an emotional mine-field. Poor Pt - get back on the damn horse!