Bass guitar and Australian idols?

My friend Topi was after a bass guitar so we decided to meet up on Sunday and head over to Brunswick Street together to check out some stores. Only one of the guitar shops seemed to be open but there were a couple of nice second-hand instruments for sale. While Topi was busy testing out the merchandise, I was transfixed on the sales guy and was trying to figure out whether he might be a former Australian Idol contestant. I wasn't quite sure. The guitar shop guy seemed fatter. Might have to go back and suss it out a bit more (no I am not a stalker).

My conversation with Elissa

I never would have thought that a casual birthday BBQ out in the burbs yesterday would be the setting for one of the most incredible conversations I have had with anyone for quite some time.

Elissa is a student who happens to be deaf. As we sat around the table chatting in the afternoon sun, I realised that she was trying to make sense of the conversations that were taking place around her. Conversations taking place within a large group of people is a chaotic affair. People are talking over each other, contributing to the conversations of others mid-sentence, and breaking away into discussions of sub-topics. For someone living in silence, this can be quite a challenge. Elissa tried to engage in the chit chat that was taking place around her but none of us were making it easy. There was, for example, no conscious attempt to try and face her when we were talking so that she could, at the very least, pick up the 30% of what was being said by reading our lips. In our perfect hearing world, we had shut out someone who was living in a world of silence. My friend Val can sign (Elissa had taught her) and made a galant effort to keep Elissa informed. I was intrigued and started a conversation. She was able to make out a lot of what I was saying by reading my lips (or at least fill in the gaps) but we eventually found it easier to use the pad that she had discreetly placed on the table when she first came over, and joined our group.

The first thing I noticed was that Elissa had beautiful writing. Elegant. Strong. Self-assured. She 'tells' me that most people apologise for their 'poor' writing, in response, but she reckons that even a doctor's scrawl is readable to her. We chuckle. I tell her that she should mark my student's exam scripts next year. She tells me about the uncertainty that surrounds her future when she finishes her studies. The university is currently committed to students with disabilities but what happens after she finishes her doctorate? Her comments were thought-provoking. I pause and think about all the battles she had to fight to get to where she is now and the ones that lay ahead.

I quickly learn that Elissa is incredible astute...a skill no doubt developed from having to spend a life time filling in gaps in conversations, reading people's lips, watching our hand gestures, watching the expressions on our faces. She is remarkably understanding. Elissa does not complain, does not expect concessions. She takes the hearing world as it is and tries to carve out a niche for herself within it. As our conversation progressed, I realised that I was engaging with a most incredible person. I told her that the notes we had been scrawling in her notebook had opened up my eyes to things that I had never ever considered. It was a profoundly humbling experience and one that I will never forget.

Skate with mates

Went to a fancy restaurant last night with some mates I hadn't seen in a long time. Was very excited when I noticed 'skate wings' on the blackboard menu. I remember seeing Jamie Oliver harp on and on about how tasty they are so I decided that now was the chance to give them a try. Skates are a kind of ray (aka...the creature that knocked off Steve Irwin) and are related to sharks. The waitress recommended we get some vegetables on the side and assured us that one serve of asparagus would be plenty. One serve comprised just 6 stalks perched on a tiny metal plate (Given that there were 4 of us, this translated to 1 and half stalks each...I guess the waitress is a small eater). Eight bucks! Rip off.

The skate was much more satisfying. Tender. Delicious. Juicy. It was so yummy in fact I even ate the bones. Decided to go all out after the main and ordered some dessert wine. This is a bit unusual for me given that I don't actually drink but I guess desert wine tastes enough like grape juice that even someone who doesn't drink is likely to find it highly palatable (no, I'm not an alcoholic in denial). Had the wine with some kind of weird spanish blue vein cheese. Perfect.

The bus driver

Had to go into the city for a meeting yesterday arvo. Took the bus from work. Just as the bus was about to pull out of the curb, a chinese girl gets on. She is busy talking on the mobile phone.

"Do you want to catch the bus or talk on the phone?" asks the bus driver.

The girl ignores him. She continues with her conversation. The bus pulls out and then breaks suddenly.

"Turn off your phone...NOW!" says the bus driver.

The girl ignores him again, and tells him she wants to buy a ticket. She then hands over a $20 note.

The bus driver takes the money and proceeds to get the change. He hands her a big pile of 20c, 50c and $1 coins and shoves it in her small hand. The coins fall on the floor. She bends over to pick them up and he starts driving. The girl almost falls over. She gathers up her coins, walks to a seat and sits down. She puts the handful of coins into a carry bag...and continues talking on the phone.

My brand new jeans

After wearing the same pair of jeans almost everyday for the last year or so, it was finally time to get a new pair (the old ones had started to disintegrate). So...today I headed off to G-star to go shopping for new jeans. I like G-star because they actually make jeans for tall people. I decided to drag Nathan with me because the last time I went into the shop, I wandered to the women's section and made a bit of a dick of myself trying to sift through women's jeans (I'm such a dag). Anyhoo...we caught the train to South Yarra and walked to the Chapel Street store. I think G-star must have a very strict policy for the kind of people they hire...there was not one ugly sales person in sight (and many sported interesting body piercings and/or were heavily inked). The sales guy that helped me out was breathtakingly beautiful. So much so, he could have handed me an old rag and I probably would have bought it. I tried not to let his beauty distract my mission. I had some very simple demands which I communicated to the sales guy: nothing too fancy (because I am a simple kinda guy) and nothing with legs that feel like compression socks or waistlines that hang so low that there is a risk my testicles might spill out. I tried on three pairs. One was way too tight. Another made me look like I was bow-legged but finally, a pair that fit well, was comfortable and looked kinda stylish. Two hundred and fifty dollars later, I left the store with one brand new pair of jeans in hand. That's my jeans shopping done for another year.

Hofbrauhaus

Went with Nate to the Hofbrauhaus on Wednesday night for some traditional Bavarian cuisine. Ordered the pork shank again. Delicious (but I don't think it would be too healthy to subsist on the thing). Nate had the chicken schnitzel. This time round, there was a band playing 'traditional' german music. The whole atmosphere is rather kistch.

Marking exams this weekend...Huff.

Melbourne cup

Managed to miss the entire thing. Didn't put in any bets. Didn't watch the race. It was a total boycott. And it's got nothing to do with the fact that I still had to come to work yesterday. Sure...the rest of Melbourne had a public holiday but my organization doesn't recognize it. I'm not even bitter about the fact that Canberra now gets a day off too (this being a recent development that occurred AFTER I had left the ACT to come to Vic). I'm not bitter... really, I'm not (But why the hell does Canberra get a day off?).

Chopping block (update)

A few weeks ago, Nate and I were invited to a South Yarra restaurant that was participating in a reality TV program on channel 9 called the chopping block. The premise is that two restaurant undergo a 'makeover' and vie for the chance to win a load of cash. Anyhow...the episode is apparently showing tomorrow night. I think the chances of actually apprearing on TV is pretty remote since we were seated in a shitty spot and were only filmed for a few minutes. In any case, we have been invited back for another feed to celebrate because the restaurant we went to evidently won.

Wanjina update

So the senior curator of aboriginal art got back to me yesterday arvo and tells me my artefact is by Alec Mingelmanganu. This is is significant. Some of his later paintings have sold for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Who would have thought that something I initially spotted at a flea market turns out to be by a famous artist?!! I'm thinking I should maybe get it valued and perhaps insure it now.

polish food, fiddles and my wanjina

Went to Chapel street last night with some friends for polish food at a restaurant with the intriguing name of Borsch, Vodka and Tears. Had a vodka but skipped on the borsch (and the tears) in favour of polish sausages with onions and mashed potatoes. The restaurant was packed, loud and full of atmosphere. A notable highlight was the live music involving an accordian and a very vigorous fiddle. The two female musicians (dressed in polish peasant outfit) were highly skilled at squeezing between the tables and playing their music without knocking over any of the food coming out of the kitchen or gauging out anyone's eyes with the musical instruments.

Afterwards, Nate and I caught the tram back into the city. Outside the National Gallery of Victoria, two women hopped on board and sat opposite us on the tram. One looked very familiar and I soon realised it was one of the senior curators who happens to specialise in aboriginal art. So...I ambushed her and asked her if she'd be able to have a look at an aboriginal artefact I bought from a private collector last year. She was kind enough to give me her email so this morning I sent her some images. It's an image of a wanjina from the Kimberley. I'm hoping the curator might be able to tell me who the artist might be as there aren't many who are entitled to paint these images.

Student evaluations (part 2)

Ok...so now I realise it must be sarcasm. Some additional evaluations just came in for other subjects. Amongst the comments, was this one...

"XXX should show more skin because he is a sexy beast."

Poem

I wrote this in Finland as a literary response to my experiences with the incinerator toilet...

KAKKALA (THE INCINERATOR LOO)


The kind of weekend I like best
Is one where I can eat and rest.
Not worry ‘bout the risk of failure
Whilst sitting on an ‘incinerator’

I swear to God (I do not lie)
The toilets here will make you cry.
For I, myself, was traumatized
From thoughts of shit incinerized

With paper you must line the loo
Before you try to pee or poo
And afterwards, when you are done
You must push buttons, one by one

The buttons will open the toilet floor
Into which your ‘stuff’ will pour
Next, the flames will start to grow
And emit the most disturbing glow

And finally, there is the smoke
Do not breathe, it’ll make you choke
For the smell of burning turd, I say
Is sure to make you turn dark gray.

Back in Melbourne

Well...the trip has come and gone. Arrived back in Australia last Thursday and spent Friday, Saturday and Sunday chilling out. Managed to get upgraded to businss class on my frequent flyer points from Hong Kong to Melbourne. It was an unexpected surprise because I had earlier been told that my request had been declined. Wow...talk about a whole new experience for me. I went crazy playing with the seat adjustments and inbuilt massager, pigging out on the food, and using copious amounts of free moisturiser (even though I normally don't moisturise). The flight was over in no time (and my skin was baby smooth)!

Managed to hurt my back yesterday morning...whilst brushing my teeth! Yes...brushing my God-damn-teeth. I had a coughing fit when I went to spit out the toothpaste and somehow threw my back out in the process. I literally had to roll myself out of bed this morning. Grrr...

Sweden

Took the Viking Line ferry from Helsinki to Stockholm on Sunday afternoon. The ferry between Finland and Sweden has somewhat of a reputation as a big piss up. Due to some dodgy stop over on an island in the Baltic that is outside of the EU, passengers are entitled to purchase a whole range of duty free and everybody seems to go crazy stocking up on booze and cigarettes. When they are not drinking, passengers are likely to be found either in the onboard casino or stuffing themselves on the buffet. I opted for the latter (I dont think I have ever eaten so much caviar in my life!). I retired to my room after dinner and stayed there until the morning when we arrived in Sweden.

Went to Svensk tenn in Stockholm and bought a ridiculously expensive Josef Frank designed textile of weird looking birds to hang on my office wall back in Melbourne. Stockholm is a beautiful, historic city situated on a series of islands and I wished I had more time to explore it but, unfortunately, had to dash off to Gothenburg in the evening by train. Sat next to a woman whose perfume smelt like scented toilet paper (made me glad that I had a mild cold and couldn't smell so well).

Spending the day in Gothenburg today for work. Flying back to Oz tomorrow.

why students come to my lectures...

I spend quite a bit of effort trying to keep the students interested in my lectures so that they can actually learn something. And just when I thought I may be starting to make some inroads, I come across this (in the latest student evaluations):

"11. I only came to these lecture to look at him."

Middle earth is in Finland

Just spent the last 5 days at a conference near the city of Turku. We arrived at the mysterious conference venue at night by boat. The venue, itself, was like a scene out of middle earth (with a touch of "survivor"), comprising a cluster of rustic-looking huts situated amongst pine, birch and spruce trees on the beautiful shores of the Baltic. After getting off the boat, each conference delegate was offered a weird drink served in a wooden cup. The drink was made from tree sap (but smelt like tar and tasted like cough syrup).

The food at the conference was unbelivable. I don't think I've ever eaten so much fish in my life. I had salmon for breakfast, lunch and dinner almost everyday. These were hot smoked by the shore and was absolutely delicious (though some got a bit tired of eating salmon by the third or fourth day). The final night comprised the most incredible banquet, the star of which was a roasted pig (with head)....not sure how the vegetarians coped but I was in foodie heaven. I even ate both of the crispy ears (the left one first)...no I didn't eat the snout.

On two of the evenings, we also had access to a gigantic smoke sauna (supposedly the largest in the world). It was partially set underground and consisted of a central furnace covered in a mound of hot rocks. The chamber itself took a whole day to heat and consisted of several raised wooden platforms with enough seats to accommodate over 100 naked people. It was a mixed sex sauna on both nights but (thankfully)nakedness was optional. I spent both evening alternating between the sauna and one of two hot tubs located outside next to the jetty. Those brave enough were also free to take a dip in the Baltic (though, at 6 degrees, I opted to cool off in the open air instead of the sea). Towards the end of the sauna parties, guests were also treated to a face mask made out of peat (but smelt like the mud one scrapes from the bottom of a lake). The mud made my face tingle but, alas, I didn't notice any improvements to my complexion :)

Am now back in Helsinki for a couple of days of shopping before catching the big ferry to Stockholm. Heard the ferry is essentially a venue for a big piss up but I think I'll need to catch up on some work. Sigh.

europe, mushrooms and burning shit

Arrived in Helsinki after a marathon 19 hour flight from Melbourne via Hong Kong. Headed straight from the airport to a summer cottage situated next to a beautiful lake where I've spent the last two days hanging out with friends, picking mushrooms in the forest, relaxing in the sauna, and getting acquainted with the idea of an incinerator loo.

The cottage has two toilets. Apart from the regular outdoor toilet(much like the ones that aussies are accustomed to) there was also an incinerator toilet located inside the cottage (next to the sauna and shower). Using the incinerator toilet was a most unusual (and mildly traumatic) experience. The bottom of the toilet bowl is made of metal and is dry. Before going to the loo, you must first line the bowl with a special waxy paper bag (resembling a coffee paper filter). The user must then sit down and do their business. Afterwards, one is required to stand up and push a special lever which opens a trapdoor-like mechanism on the bottom of the bowl. The bag (and its contents) then falls into a pit where it gets incinerated at around 800 degrees centigrade(yes, you can see the flames). The chimney that ventilates the incinerator is attached to the side of the cottage and, ocassionally, it is possible to make out the destinctive scent of burning turds and piss wafting through the air outside.

Scandinavia-bound

Tonight is the night. I'll be flying out of Melbourne to Helsinki via Hong Kong. I think the trip itself will be a relief...It's hard to imagine, but I'm actually looking forward to relaxing on the plane. It's been a hectic few weeks and I can' wait to get to Finland, drive out to a summer cottage somewhere, and spend a couple of days roaming through the forest, maybe go for a swim, experience a sauna, and pick wild mushrooms for dinner.

all mixed up

One of Nate's closest friends just went into the operating theatre for surgery on her back. Nate found out about the operation yesterday. He then rang me up straightaway to tell me about it. The conversation went like this...

Nathan: "It's really risky. The worst case scenario is that she might become incompetent!"
Me [after a brief pause]: "She's already incompetent. You mean she might become incontinent too?"
Nathan: "Shut up"

A complimentary weekend

I received the most unexpected compliments from complete strangers this weekend. It started on Saturday morning when the woman making my tea at a cafe complemented me on how handsome I looked. Hmmm...my immediate reaction was that she was (a) trying to get a tip or (b) being sarcastic. Regardless, I accepted her compliment with a smile and went on my merry way. I then headed off to the Garden Expo at Caulfield where I bought myself one of these (a tropical pitcher plant):



Carrying a pitcher plant around the city (I had to catch public transport to get back home) is equivalent to carrying a cute fluffy dog or a good-looking baby...people were absolutely mesmerised...

"What a beautiful plant you have".

"I have never seen such a thing in my life".

"Is it a flower or a leaf."

Then, on Sunday, some woman gives me a fashion compliment whilst I was shopping on Brunswick street. Although I tend to think of myself as having a pretty good dress sense, I don't think I've ever received a fashion compliment before frm a complete stranger. Moreover...the woman was complimenting me on my t-shirt, the t-shirt I got for free about eight years ago that I seldom wear out in public (I made an exception this weekend because I was saving all my nice stuff for Europe). Go figure. It felt that everybody in the world was being nice to me on the weekend. And God darn it...it felt good!