Commitment

My friend, T, is in a relationship with a guy who cannot commit. This is not the first time T has dated a 'commitment-phobe'. Her ex was one. They were together for 8 years. They bought a house together. They moved overseas together. And then...out of the blue, he got cold feet and voided the relationship. Just like that. The ex has since moved on and managed to very quickly commit to someone else. Was this a case of timing (i.e. the ex was not yet ready in his life to commit) or was T simply not the right one for the ex to commit to?

T is worried her current relationship is heading towards a similar trajectory. The problem is that L can't even commit to buying a house with T. This is setting off alarm bells. T wishes to confront him about it, to force his hand. She reckons that the pain of being rejected is better that continuing a relationship wrought with uncertainty. The fact is that T is a great catch. She is attractive, kind and intelligent. So what's wrong?

I wonder if guys are more afraid of commitment than women. Women certainly feel the tick of their biological clock a lot more strongly. I've also posted before about the so-called trading up hypothesis, a phenomenon recognised by evolutionary biologists whereby animals are expected to trade up when a better suitor comes along.

T spent 8 years of her life with a guy thinking that he felt the same towards her as she did towards him. That's a substantial investment. I don't think she is prepared to sit back and let history repeat itself.