I seem to be a perennial agony aunt for recently outed gay guys. A few years ago, I bumped into a former uni student on the tram. I said hi and briefly introduced him to Nathan, who was with me on the tram. The following Monday the student sent me an email telling me he had recently come out and wanted to know if I could recommend any good gay clubs (the answer was no because I am not really a regular clubbing type of person and even if I was, I don't think it would be appropriate!).
Fast forward a few years later.... I'm at a friend's 30th in Albury (the same friend who got married this weekend). A burly biker bear (BBB) comes up to me and, let's not stereoptype here, starts recommending me places to go if I was interested in antiques. Bumped into BBB again this weekend at the wedding. He tells me he recently came out as gay. I told him I kinda figured that out the last time we spoke. He wants to move to Melbourne because Albury didn't offer much opportunities and he is hoping Melbourne will bring him some happiness. I hope it happens for him. BBB seemed like a very nice (cuddly) guy and I'm sure he will be very popular at the Laird. After the somewhat heavy conversation, he takes out his mobile and asked me for an opinion about someone's profile picture on Grindr.
4 comments:
How interesting. I guess when guys like those see a gay man comfortable with his sexuality and can live quite openly, they want to know how. You are gay confident (add an accent over that word somewhere) and adviser. I must be seen as GAM friendly as over the years I have had two contacts from Asian guys with issues about their sexuality. One was a lonely and homesick gay o/s student who was about to fall into the clutches of Falun Gong. He so badly needed kindness and friends, and that was what was these young FG people were offering him. You can guess my advice.
The other was from a more open GAM who wanted to know how to come out to his parents. We did some considerable back and forth, with me telling him there was no need as it will be obvious when he introduces his friend Bruce to his family and Bruce remains his close friend over a long period. It has always been the case that children think their parents are stupid and don't know things. I am not a professional adviser, I can only say how it worked for me.
I suspect that some newly outed gay men gravitate towards anyone who happens to be gay. Others might see my long term relationship with Nathan as something that they might want for themselves. I don't know. The BBB at the wedding seemed very lonely and was yearning for something (or someone). He's a good looking guy and seems to be a very nice person so I think the real issue is he needs to be happy in himself first.
I knew I was gay from such an early age I find it fascinating to hear about men who only discover (or come to terms with?) the fact well into their adulthood. Some of them seem in a hurry to 'catch up' with we 'naturally born gay' types.
I agree Victor. I think he feels he has a lot of catching up to do.
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